Blizzardboy | A Kiwi in Japan

We are hearing suspicious rumours of a great debut novel set in Tokyo by Canadian Jocelyn Allen:

Canadian literature (or CanLit, as some insist) has gradually become a genre of its own- one of books that are bleak, desperate, *meaningful*, and above all, dull.

New DIY publisher The Workhorsery aims to do something about that by releasing You and The Pirates, Jocelyne Allens’ superfun debut novel.

The book dares to star you (a snarky prairie-girl expat) in its second-person wackjob tale of terrorists, cats and pirates in modern-day Tokyo. Check it out!

Free chapter (PDF)

We look forward to reading that!

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Walking down to the gym the other night when I came across this gem of a sign:

Tamachi is a station on the Yamanote loop line in Tokyo. There are a lot of offices in the area – including the head office of NEC so there are a correspondingly large number of restaurants and bars in the area.

At the top the sign says “Motsu Dining and Global Restaurant” – with motsu being Japanese for offal. Being a global restaurant I wonder if they sell haggis?

And the real question – if they relocated, could you call that a “bowel movement”?

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Saw a longer “expose” on this yesterday morning on the news. Below is the story from the Yomiuri Newspaper – but as to why he really did it, who knows!

Nude foreign man caught swimming in Imperial moat

The Yomiuri Shimbun

A foreign man was spotted swimming naked in the moat of the Imperial Palace in Chiyoda Ward, Tokyo, on Tuesday at about 11:30 a.m., sparking a police and fire service operation to apprehend him.

About 50 members of the Marunouchi Police Station and fire service were mobilized in pursuit of the man, some of them in boats, as he swam around the moat near Wadakuramon gate.

A crowd of about 300 bemused passersby gathered to take in the rare sight of a nude foreigner thrashing about in the moat and watched him as he clambered out of the water onto a path, from where he hurled stones at police and firemen before fleeing. It took police officers about 1-1/2 hours to finally capture and subdue the streaking man after he climbed up a stone wall.

According to a senior police officer, the nude swimmer described himself as a 40-year-old Spaniard. Along with four other foreigners, the man had apparently been to a police box at Wadakuramon at about 11:20 a.m. to say that a bag had fallen into the moat. The man apparently spoke in English.

However, after telling police about the bag, the man suddenly launched himself into the moat, stripping off his garments as he trod water in the moat.
(Oct. 8, 2008)

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Apparently this McDonalds Hamburger was bought in 1996 and still looks as good as the day it was sold! You can read more about it here: 1996 McDonalds Hamburger.

Think I would rather stick with a decent felafel pita from Pita the Great.

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I have heard of couch surfing, where people stay on various people’s couches as they travel around, but this story that is doing the rounds takes that to the next level. It appears that a homeless Japanese woman, aged 58, lived for a year undetected in the closet of a Japanese guy in Kasuya, Fukuoka.

Japanese woman caught living in man’s closet

(story source: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080530/ap_on_re_as/japan_closet_woman )

A homeless woman who sneaked into a man’s house and lived undetected in his closet for a year was arrested in Japan after he became suspicious when food mysteriously began disappearing.

Police found the 58-year-old woman Thursday hiding in the top compartment of the man’s closet and arrested her for trespassing, police spokesman Hiroki Itakura from southern Kasuya town said Friday.

[Read more]

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Happy April Fools for yesterday! Yesterdays post Japanese Prime Minister Fukuda Announces Retirement was of course a joke. Although whether him becoming a bikini pin-up idol would be more beneficial for the Japanese economy than his current performance is a question very much open…

Got my boss yesterday too – telling him I had found another job and asking him if he could find a replacement by that afternoon. Ah the look on his face:)

Chooch posted on mixi.jp that we were moving to Greenland! and quite a few people fell for that. She wrote that because of difficulties maintaining a car in that climate I would have to cross-country ski to work. And she was worried about the lack of vegetarian food there.

All in all a good laugh.

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In a story that I find very difficult to believe, it appears that as many as 2000 people in Japan have been conned into buying sheep from Britian and Australia as poodles. Now of course we all know that New Zealand sheep are far preferable both in terms of temperament and pedigree, but above and beyond that, confusing dogs and sheep is pretty far out of left field.

Here is the story that the English paper the Metro ran:

Dog owners ‘fleeced’ in poodle scam

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Is it a lamb? Is it a poodle? Can you spot the difference?

Thousands of people have been ‘fleeced’ into buying neatly coiffured lambs they thought were poodles.

Entire flocks of lambs were shipped over from the UK and Australia to Japan by an internet company and marketed as the latest ‘must have’ accessory.

But the scam was only spotted after a leading Japanese actress said her ‘poodle’ didn’t bark and refused to eat dog food.

Maiko Kawakami, who starred in the Japanese thriller Violent Cop, showed photographs of her pet on a television talk show only to be told it wasn’t a dog – but was in fact a lamb.

The discovery prompted hundreds of women to contact the police with similar problems and the authorities believe as many as 2,000 people have been conned.

‘We launched an investigation after we were made aware that a company was selling sheep as poodles,’ a police spokesman told The Sun.

‘Sadly, we think there is more than one company operating in this way.

‘The sheep are believed to have been imported from overseas – Britain and Australia.’

A lamb

Poodles are famously used by the rich and glamourous on the continent but are extremely rare in Japan, with many people having little idea what they look like.

The company, which translates as Poodles as Pets, sold the ‘poodles’ for £630, about half the cost of a normal poodle but is now understood to have been shut down.

I just feel sorry for the sheep. Shipped halfway round the world to end up the prize possession of luxury 30 square meter apartment dweller. Poor things.

Hope they don’t eat them.

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Just watching the cricket, but have the TV on in the background and there is a story about a budgerigar that disappeared from its home. Apparently one of the wonderful people from the Japanese Post Office found the poor distressed bird, and wondered what to do with it. Until they discovered it could speak… On learning from the bird the name of the town and the family it lived with they were able to reunite the bird with its’ elderly owners. Ah, what a lovely story.

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Shouts to the Gavster, Mandarin of Taipei and Grand olla podrida of the South China Seas for pointing out this classic Japanese toilet training anime. Toilet humour is something quite unexpected from the Japanese. But once one spends some time in Asia, one realises that there is a completely different attitude to this topic. For example, in his diaries, Chairman Mao frequently describes the status of hos stool in order to record his physical state at the time.

While this is quite a serious video, aimed at getting kids to use the toilet (and I know from a friends experience how difficult that can actually be), Japanese institutions like the kancho come right out of the blue!

So cute! So gross! And yet so cute!

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If you thought Google was bad enough colluding with the ruling Chinese Communist Party, then think again. Amazon have taken things one step further and are stocking a magazine riddled with lines such as “Oi Nigger!! Get your fuckin’ hands off that Japanese lady’s ass!!”

The Japanese arm of Amazon’s operations is stocking a magazine called “Gaijin Hanzai Ura File” – Foreigners Crime File. This magazine is also being stocked by companies such as 7-11 and Family Mart. Update: (11:18pm) James from Japanprobe writes that Family Mart have pulled the offending magazines. Good one Family Mart!

Other rascist slogans (via debito.org) include:

Back Page:
日本における外人犯罪件数年間47000件!!
47,000 crimes by foreigners each year!!
There then follows a ‘danger rating’ (危険度) of each country, scattered on a world map surrounded by knives, guns and syringes:
China: 14
Russia: 5
Korea: 9
Brazil: 8
Colombia: 3
Etc.
None for the USA, Canada, Australia or the whole of Europe…

Article about crimes by Iranians:
イラン人を捕まえ！！
Catch the Iranian!!

Article lamenting Tokyo’s demise into lawlessness:
不良外人暴力都市！！
City of Violent Degenerate Foreigners!!

Article about foreigners scamming Japanese for money:
毟られる日本人。『シャチョサン、ATMコッチデス』
Japanese getting conned. “Theesaway to ze ATM, Meester Managing Director”

Feature of foreign guys picking up Japanese women (What this has to do with ‘crime’ is unclear)
YELLOW CAB REAL STREET PHOTO
お前らそんなに外人がイイのかよ！！
You sluts really think foreign guys are so great, huh!!
そりゃあ日本人は小さいけど。。
We know Japanese guys are small, but..

Picture of black guy touching a J.girls ass in Shibuya (obviously consensual too)
おいニガー！！日本婦女子のケツさわってんじゃねえ！！
Oi Nigger!! Get your fuckin’ hands off that Japanese lady’s ass!!
(… yes. It really does say ニガー)

Picture of dark-haired foreigner kissing J.girl in Shibuya (again, obviously consensual)
ここは日本なんだよ！てめえの国に帰ってやりな！
This is Japan! Go back to your own fuckin’ country and do that!

Picture of foreigner with hands down a J.girls knickers in Shibuya (definitely consensual)
チョット、チョットチョット！路上で手マンはやめてくれる？
Woah! Woah! Woah! Would you stop fingering a girls pussy in the street, OK?

Links to scanned images:

http://i44.photobucket.com/albums/f40/mrscuzzbucket/img037.jpg

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Sad to think that this kind of thing happens in this day and age. And even sadder to see a corporation like Amazon condoning such behaviour.

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